WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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