so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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