her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The air taste purple.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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