He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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