sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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