when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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