I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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