Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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