So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
