I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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