ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
