you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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