I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
