so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
