so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
