Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are we still banned from the library?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
