Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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