I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There's even glitter on my cock...
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