Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Congratulations! We have a period
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
