I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
