If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize