perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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