he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
