if i can run in heels then i can drive
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
