people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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