I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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