I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
