I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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