I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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