yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
worst night to have a conscience
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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