we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
