also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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