i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
