FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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