He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
