I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
