God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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