He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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