I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
