If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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