I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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