why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
