did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
