God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
