It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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