He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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