the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
