i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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