we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
