She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
