I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
