Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cockslap morals
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
please don't ironically join a cult
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