I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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