Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I looked at my own cervix.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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