dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
