genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
