Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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