He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
