you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize