Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
