Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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