I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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