found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
