He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
