duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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