I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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