The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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