Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
