She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
