i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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